It's been awhile...A reflection of year's past

Since I wrote last- January of this year, I've been hospitalized 1-2 times more for MS flares.  However, both times they were not actual flares.  They were pseudo-exacerbations, just like the one in January.  Great news!  No new or enhancing lesions causing the symptoms that got me admitted those 3 times this year!  It was either infection or stress that were the culprits.
I must say to all you MSers out there... moving- buying and selling your home- is a huge emotional upheaval and can stir the boiling pot very easily.  It was, in fact, the cause of my last hospital stay.  MS sucks.  It just sucks.  However, it will teach you the ability to achieve emotional strength you never knew possible.  Years and years ago if I had leg weakness, tremors, cog fog, incoordination, I would have presented a chaotic exigency to go to the ER.  Now, I'm so used to these symptoms that when I exude a new or worsening symptom, I calmly call my neurologist and request a UA to r/o UTI and a 5 day course of steroids if labs are negative.  Don't get me wrong, MS still sucks, it's just that what I can't change I accept.  It makes it that much easier to live with the disease rather than fight a losing emotional battle with it.  Keep Moving Forward.

My hospital stay

I had another MS flare up in the middle of January, 2013.  I jumped right on those IV steroids and began to feel better.  A few days later, I was overcome by those same MS symptoms. Why had they come back?  I can't repeat high dose steroids, it would compromise my body too much and leave me at risk for dangerous infections.  I was told to go to the ER straight away, so off we went.
Of course, the kids were in bed and I was about ready to follow.  But, we packed it up and dropped the kids off at mom's and made the trip all the way to UC Davis.  Luckily, the ER had a gurney in the hallway I could sleep on until they called me.  And whaddaya know?  I only waited 2 hours as opposed to 6!  I was thrilled!
  I was asked those same pre-admission questions...spell "World" backwards...remember 3 words after distracting me... tons of reflex tests.  A morphine drip.  Tons of blood work, then admission.  I just wanted to sleep...a LOT.  Those professionals who would care for me and be in charge of my illness would not let me sleep.  My face burned as though I'd been in a desert all day without sunscreen.  The nurses woke me up to stick me with needles (heparin hurts like heck but prevents clotting when you're in bed), administer meds, take vitals.  Then those noisy carts in the hallway...as loud as an Amtrak train.  I just wanted to sleep!  That darn MS made me as tired as someone who hadn't slept a wink in days.
In the late morning, a team of residents and a lead dr. showed up to prod me more and watch me walk.  My right leg: a +5.  My left leg, a -4.  Not Good.  I could barely lift it.  I heard them whisper about my wide gait, about my coordination and balance.  I hummed my go-to song... "Songs of desperation.  I play them for you.... While our blood's still young, so young, it runs.  Won't stop till it's over...won't stop to surrender..."  Sweet Disposition, my song of strength when in the hospital.
They finally let me climb back into bed so I could sleep.   At lunch, I was so hungry, I actually ate most of the hospital food.  And let me tell you, I couldn't have made it more banal if I had made it with my eyes closed.  But the day was a blur.  I just slept, got poked, and had MRI and CT scans.   That evening, they served dinner at 5:30.  That's waaay too early for me, so naturally, I was starving at 7:30.  My husband, Phillip, asked the nurse for some food.  She forgot.  8pm rolled around, so he reminded her, and she said "Sorry, I forgot.  But the kitchen closed at 8."  Soon, that "Amtrak train" noisily rolled down the hallway carrying dozens of sandwiches and fruit.  An acquaintance begged her for a sandwich, but she refused and said a nurse had to give me one.  You've GOT to be kidding me.  Is this some kind of candid camera joke?  Tempting me during my worst and then telling me No?  She demanded, so I received one.  Again, blander than anything, but it kept my stomach from rumbling.
The next day came and doctors determined that my tooth infection (diagnosed the day before hospitalization) caused my MS symptoms to show back up, but that I was Not having another flare up (the antiboitics seemed to take forever to kick in). Living with MS, I have learned the difference, though the residents there struggle to understand the two.  But it's very hard to separate them out without doing an MRI to find disease activity.
After my third day on Clindomycin, I was already feeling better, and my left leg strength was back to baseline.  I missed my kids terribly and just wanted to be with them.  Doctors asked me if I wanted to go home, and I exclaimed "YES!"  And after waiting until 7pm to get out of there, I was discharged.
I have become used to ER visits and hospitalizations, so it doesn't faze me one bit.  I guess you could say it's commonplace for me.  I let family and friends know, and usually they are quite upset.  If I can't walk, I'd be upset.  Otherwise, I just go with the flow.  I pray a lot when I'm in there and I feel so at peace with the situation.  I know I'll be OK, it's just a matter of getting to that point; the point of acceptance or the point of return.